Seeking out pleasurable or restorative activities are forms of self-care that can bring much-needed balance to our lives. And because work and home life demand so much of you, you might find that you need to be intentional about integrating these types of beneficial activities into your life because otherwise, they simply will not happen.
For some of us, however, attempts at self-care and creating a more balanced life don’t seem to be enough.
It might feel like there is something lacking in your life that you can’t define. Or maybe you sense that there is something missing deep within you, an emptiness that cannot be filled by taking a long walk or spending time with a friend. Perhaps there is an undefined longing or emotional hunger within you that is never satiated, a lingering dissatisfaction that trails you despite the outward successes of your life.
And as a result of this inner struggle, you may find yourself repeating behaviors that have less to do with self-care and more to do with escapism, activities that may momentarily relieve your underlying unhappiness or restlessness but ultimately do not fill the void.
Compartmentalization and self-escapism
According to Oxford Languages, escapism is defined as “the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.”
It’s not uncommon for us to rely on escapism in an effort to alleviate the stresses of daily life. Just ask someone what they like to do for fun and you’ll get a list of familiar escapist activities. But for many of us, escapism has taken on a life of its own, an enduring pattern that cannot be broken. And when the psychological defense of compartmentalization is used to augment escapism, the escapist behaviors can too easily turn problematic, leaving you feeling out of control.
Compartmentalization involves the severing and segregation of different aspects of yourself, your emotional life and relationships.
For instance, you might compartmentalize painful feelings away from the event that initially caused these emotions. This allows you to think about the event without being impacted by these difficult feelings. You might also compartmentalize the potential negative consequences of your actions and, in doing so, increase the risk of acting in ways that can be hurtful to yourself or those you care about. For example, you might tell yourself that you’ve known many people who have smoked cigarettes for years and are perfectly healthy. In choosing to focus on that to justify your behavior, you ignore the known health risks.
Why the traumas from your past matter today
An early discovery of psychoanalysis suggests that the unresolved issues from our past can remain deep within us, untouched by our present-day circumstances. In other words, creating the life you want—for instance, achieving measurable successes and being in a committed, loving relationship—does not necessarily heal the wounds of the past. The more compartmentalized our past traumas are, the more they remain frozen in time, impacting and shaping us from behind the veil of consciousness.
When the wounds of our past remain unintegrated and unprocessed, our self-experiences can become more fragmented, muted or chaotic. You can be surrounded by friends yet still feel lonely. You might build a life on the shaky foundation of pervasive and significant secrets and lies. Your capacity for joy may be dulled or at best, fleeting; emotional numbness or chronic boredom may stifle your sense of self. At the other end of the spectrum, seemingly small events might trigger intense emotional reactions that leave you feeling victimized and those around you confused.
Compartmentalization and escapism are common ways to deal with emotional pain. But not all forms of escapism are the same. Escapism runs the gamut from relatively benign activities (you quickly busy yourself with a task or series of tasks because you feel restless whenever you slow down) to highly self-destructive (you repeatedly rely on alcohol or drugs to anesthetize unresolved emotional issues).
The compartmentalized self is a beleaguered self
Escapism can turn into a chronic means of dealing with uncomfortable and painful self-experiences, an escapist way of being that keeps us removed and at odds with our inner life. When this occurs, the underlying issues we continually distance ourselves from maintain power over us.
There are limits to how much compartmentalization can keep our emotional pain at bay. The wounded and buried parts of us are seeking recognition. They continue to psychically tap us on the shoulder as they communicate to us and others through our so-called psychological symptoms, all in an effort to be acknowledged and healed. While the protector within tries to keep us from being overwhelmed by our underlying pain, there is another part of us that desperately wants to find a voice that can fully capture our distress, and in doing so, lessen the grip our wounds have on us.
When the self is divided in this way, when the wounded parts remain in the shadows, isolated and unintegrated, we are at increased risk of escapist acting-out; escapist behaviors that are designed to keep us from facing the pain not managed by compartmentalization alone.
The compartmentalized self is a divided self, and when the self is divided it is weakened. Consequently, we become more beleaguered and overwhelmed with the tasks and demands of life.
Using compartmentalization to escape from painful emotions, traumatic experiences/memories and aspects of ourselves we find intolerable is an innate ability that begins early in life. It’s a protective operation of the mind that helps us manage overwhelming experiences.
The downside is that once compartmentalization is set in motion as the primary way to cope with emotional pain, it can become an overused method of dealing with all types of discomfort later in life. Larger swaths of emotional experience get locked away, thereby preempting the benefits of working through uncomfortable experiences.
Also problematic is that when you rely heavily on compartmentalization and escapism, your internal world and self-experiences remain fragmented. Self-potential and positive resources are often kept beyond reach in this scenario, and new ways of being that might bring a fresh vitality and more expansive awareness to the self remain unrecognized. In a real sense, you become inaccessible to yourself and others.
Very often the compartmentalized/segregated parts of ourselves that hold the wounds from our past are the ones that we are repeatedly turning away from. And yet, in order to heal and restore our wholeness, those are the same parts we must learn to turn toward.
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Rich Nicastro, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with twenty-five years of experience. He works with individuals and couples on a wide range of issues. He offers teletherapy sessions for clients throughout the United States.
