Anger Management

Anger Management Teletherapy

Do you struggle to control your temper? 

Have verbal outbursts caused problems with your spouse/partner or work relationships?

Do your struggles with anger management make you feel like you’re betraying your own values and standards? 

Anger is a normal emotion that we’re all familiar with. 

When expressed appropriately, anger can lead to vitalizing self-assertion and healthy boundary-setting. In these instances, anger is used to help you determine what you are needing and how to express those needs.

But for those who struggle with how to control anger, hostile outbursts replace self-assertion; irate rumination replaces clear thinking and the expression of emotional needs; damaged relationships replace meaningful engagement and connection.

And for many who struggle to control their anger, guilt and shame often rush in after the realization that they’ve once again hurt someone they care about because of their temper. 

Anger management: Should you be working on this? 

“When it comes to anger, I feel like I go from zero to sixty in a split second. Before I know it, I’m saying things to my wife that I later regret.”  ~Steve, age 47

The cognitive feeding of anger

Often the men I work with describe an anger that accelerates rapidly, an anger that seems to quickly take them over; an anger that hijacks their ability to make choices that are aligned with their values and that take into consideration the feelings of others. 

While there are numerous situations that may trigger an initial frustration or anger response (and the strong physical reactivity that is part of anger), for anger to grow, something more must occur, a continued mental feeding that changes that initial spark of frustration into a lengthy anger/rage reaction.

Anger management therapy (which utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy approaches) can help you become more attuned to and restructure the thinking patterns that feed anger.

Anger management: Learning to identify what lies beneath the anger

“For me anger is all about self-protection. I was abused as a kid and I promised myself that I would never be vulnerable again. But this way of dealing with my feelings clearly hasn’t worked for me because I hate being angry all the time.” ~Wesley, age 33

Anger can often be a reaction to another underlying emotion.

In these instances, your anger might be the result of another emotion that may be challenging to deal with (in these cases, anger is a secondary emotion to what is called a “primary emotion” (Greenberg & Safran, 1989; Safran & Greenberg, 1991). 

When this occurs, it is an underlying vulnerability (feelings such as grief, shame, guilt or sadness) that may be triggering your anger. In these instances, anger acts like a shield that deflects these other emotions.

Identifying these underlying emotional triggers and understanding why they have become triggers for you can be helpful in learning how to control your anger. 

Anger as part of a shame/humiliation reaction. 

Deep-seated shame (which can often be unconscious) can be seen very early in our development in the face of rejection and/or abuse. The shame of feeling rejected may elicit what psychologist Helen Block Lewis called “humiliated fury.” An anger that is fueled by perceived slights that can make one quickly feel inadequate, disrespected and “less-than”— an anger that masks these shame-based feelings of inadequacy. 

Rather than experience oneself as less-than, anger takes over, an anger that is projected outward toward others. 

To avoid further experiences of shame/humiliation and the rage that results, avoidant attachment styles may take form (you develop an emotionally distant way of relating to others so that others have less influence over your emotional states). 

In our work together, we can explore whether there are any internalized, underlying shame reactions that may be part of your anger management struggles.

An Austin, Texas based psychologist, Rich Nicastro, Ph.D., has over twenty years of experience working with individuals and couples and running groups. If you would like to set up an appointment to discuss your treatment needs, he can be reached at (512) 931-9128 or Rich@RichardNicastro.com.

Dr. Nicastro offers online individual and couples counseling (teletherapy) for residents throughout Texas. 

**In addition to Texas, Dr. Nicastro is now offering online therapy to people residing in Alabama, Arizona, Colorado, Delaware, Washington DC, Georgia, Illinois, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Utah and Virginia.**