When you think about therapy or counseling, what comes to mind?
When considering this question, you might reflect on your own previous therapy 
experience, or perhaps you have an idea about therapy based upon someone else’s counseling experience that they shared with you.
Even for those who’ve never had a firsthand experience, certain images about what therapy is might come to mind based upon movies or TV. I’ve worked with many men who have never been to counseling before, and it took them a while to finally reach out for help. Part of what held them back had to do with a negative view of therapy.
Unfortunately, too many men never seek help from a psychologist or therapist because of misconceptions that make the idea of therapy unappealing to them. Here are some of the misconceptions about counseling/therapy that men have shared with me over the years.
Men and therapy: Misconceptions that get in the way of accessing help
Talking can’t make any meaningful difference
A large percentage of the men I work with are surprised by how much better they feel after giving voice to their inner struggles. But until you experience this firsthand, the idea of talking with someone (especially a stranger) about what is troubling you can feel downright nonsensical. Many of the men I work with in therapy initially held the belief that talking about certain issues was a waste of time, offering little, if any, practical value to their life.
Going to therapy means you’re weak
Unfortunately, this assumption holds far too many men back from accessing the benefits that therapy can offer. Too often, therapy is viewed as an admission of failure rather than the start of a collaborative process in which your psychological wellbeing takes center stage. Think of a psychologist or therapist as a guide who can help you get your life back on track, rather than someone you need to see because you’ve failed in some way.
You need to know what to talk about beforehand
If you hold this misconception, you might feel like you need to have a clear vision about what to focus on or talk about in counseling. For some men, if they don’t have a coherent plan, they may feel ill-prepared, like they are showing up for a test they didn’t study for. Therapy isn’t like this. The most central part of the therapy experience is showing up. If you aren’t certain about what to discuss, let your counselor guide you by asking questions.
You’ll have to cry or become emotionally vulnerable in therapy
If you believe this has to be the goal of therapy, you might stay as far away as possible from a therapist’s office. While becoming more emotionally vulnerable can be therapeutic for some men, it isn’t a requirement by any means. Many of the men I work with who benefit from therapy never shed a tear. In therapy, you are the one who is ultimately in charge of the direction of your therapy and the goals that are set.
The counseling will go on indefinitely
Ultimately, you are in charge of the duration of therapy, and you will determine the number of sessions that occur. You can stop therapy at any time and for whatever reason. Some men end counseling because they feel they’ve reached their goal(s); or they feel like they’ve gotten the most they can get out of therapy at this time or with this particular therapist; or they may feel like a therapist isn’t right for them and therefore they stop after one or two meetings.
The decision about how long the therapy lasts and how frequently you meet with your therapist (weekly, biweekly, monthly) should emerge organically from the discussions you have with your therapist. And it’s important to note that meaningful work can occur in a short period of time.
You will become dependent on your therapist
If you hold this misconception, you might fear that you’ll become less able to make decisions for yourself and that you’ll need to increasingly rely on a counselor to deal with most of the circumstances you face in life. This couldn’t be further from the truth; in fact, therapy is designed to give you the psychological tools needed so you can more effectively navigate your life. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rely on your therapist if you feel the need to, but creating a dependency on a therapist is never the goal of therapy.
You’ll find out there is something really wrong with you
This is a common fear that can hold many men back from seeking counseling. This misconception, I believe, is partly due to the fact that when we avoid our inner life it becomes shrouded in mystery. Some men may worry that therapy is going to take them into an emotional abyss, a completely unknown world that they may not be prepared to face. But the truth is, once we shine a light on our underlying struggles through the therapy process, what we’ve avoided becomes less ominous and much more manageable.
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Do you hold any of the above misconceptions, or do you have a negative view of therapy?
If so, and if this is holding you back from reaching out and accessing help, it can be beneficial to examine where your misconception came from and to question its validity. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to therapy. While your therapist will have opinions about what s/he thinks would be helpful to your treatment, it’s important to note that the treatment should be adjusted to meet your particular needs and personality style.
You might want to share any misgivings you have about counseling with your therapist/counselor. This can help empower you in the process of shaping the therapy to your needs and also give you important information about how your therapist views the work you’ll be doing together.
Rich Nicastro, PhD is a clinical psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Nicastro has twenty-five years of experience working with individuals and couples, as well as offering psychodynamic supervision/consultation to other therapists.
He offers online individual and couples counseling (teletherapy) for residents of Texas.
**In addition to Texas, Dr. Nicastro is now offering teletherapy to people residing in Alabama, Arizona, Colorado, Delaware, Washington DC, Georgia, Illinois, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Utah and Virginia.**
(Featured photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash.com)
