The Dark Side of Mental Compartmentalization

“I’ve always been able to compartmentalize. It’s like putting things into boxes so I don’t have to think about them.” ~Daniel, 47

We all have the ability to block certain experiences from awareness. And that’s not always a bad thing.  

The ability to focus and get through a work day while mentally distancing yourself from the upset of an argument you and your partner had that morning; the capacity to “leave the stress of work at work” so that you can be more present with your family when you get home; temporarily “forgetting” about a health concern as you navigate through your day. 

Redirecting your focus is essential for compartmentalization to occur; in order to create a psychological clearing, you must move your attention away from the thoughts and feelings that are upsetting you. At times we may segregate our thoughts and feelings from each other (compartmentalize) intentionally, while at other times, it is the distractions of our day that may inadvertently cause us to put certain worries on the back burner. 

You can see how compartmentalization can be adaptive, allowing temporary respites from mental stress; it’s as if you are creating mental partitions that help to prevent emotional overload; compartmentalization allows you to free your mind to other experiences (e.g., rather than worrying about a work project all weekend, you “put it out of your mind” so you can enjoy your family or friends). 

Healthy and unhealthy escapism

“Each night I look forward to seeing my favorite Netflix series. It helps me relax and let go of the stress of the day.”  ~Patrice, 34

There are innumerable pleasures, satisfactions and escapes in life. And of course, not everything done for the sake of pleasure is done so because of the need to escape. Certain enjoyments are just that: enjoyment, and no sleuthing is required to determine why we chose that particular experience. 

Certain kinds of escapism occur when you need to mentally move away from something that is stressful, upsetting or overwhelming. When you “put something out of your mind,” you are intentionally sidelining that experience. Engaging in an activity, distracting yourself, steering your focus onto something different, all give a temporary respite from what might be troubling you. 

A nap after a difficult day, a walk after a conflict with your partner, getting lost in a good book, playing an online game, spending time with a friend are all ways to reset your emotional-equilibrium.

But not all escapism is benign or beneficial. Some escapes come at a cost to self and others. When online gaming or alcohol use becomes excessive (straining relationships and interfering with your capacity to meet/reach other obligations/goals), then these activities can be considered problematic in some way. When the activity hijacks the rest of your life (instead of provides a temporary respite from it), it is time to reassess what you’re doing and why. 

The dark side of compartmentalization

“You’d never know I have a secretive life. Whenever I act out I’m able to put up mental walls that help me forget that I have a loving wife and family, that I have a career that I worked hard to create and responsibilities that are meaningful to me.”  ~Xavier, 51

How can someone who has loving connections with others, someone who values family and follows through on responsibilities, act in ways that completely undermine his/her own convictions? 

The person who acts out has become expert in momentarily shielding himself from all that matters. To have one foot in the world of love and responsibilities and the other in the world of secretive-escapism, a barrier must be erected, a barrier that walls you off from what grounds you, a barrier that allows you to momentarily forget the things you deeply care about. 

In order to escape into fantasy and/or acting-out, we must cut the cords to our ordinary life. 

Over a century ago Freud observed that the function of fantasy is to help us manage the inherent frustrations of life. In fantasy the powerless become powerful, the powerful powerless, the lonely popular, the fearful bold, the doubtful certain, and so on.  

When escapism morphs into acting-out and secrecy 

“There’s this part of me that takes over and makes me do things I later regret. I know it’s still me, but when I get like this I feel driven without any control. Every time this happens, I later regret what I did and hate myself for doing it. And then I promise I’ll stop doing these things, but…” ~Ana, 29

There are many examples of people acting in ways that are contrary to their stated beliefs and values (the phrase moral hypocrisy has been used to describe behaving in a manner that violates our own values or beliefs, Bateson, et al, 1997).

Often it is our ability to compartmentalize, to be able to disconnect from and mentally lock away our values and commitments to self and others, that makes it possible for us to act out in destructive ways. 

During these moments, you unmoor yourself from loving and being loved, from caring and being cared for, from considering and being considered. It’s as if you are hitting the “off” switch to your current reality so that you can have the freedom to flip another switch, another reality, to “on.” Any sense of freedom in this process is, of course, an illusion, because the compulsion to act out is itself a prison. 

Once you leave the world of acting-out and reenter your non-secretive reality — the world of connection and commitments — you may find that you need to wall yourself off from the acting-out that just occurred. This mental distancing from the secretive is used to help reengage with your loved ones and the commitments/responsibilities of your life; a distancing that walls off any feelings of shame, guilt and/or despair you might feel when you come face-to-face with the implications of your actions. 

Once back in your non-secretive world, you can then reclaim the virtues, beliefs and values you hold while ignoring/denying the ways in which you violated these beliefs and values. 

Cracks in the walls of compartmentalization

“The woman I was having an affair with said something that reminded me of my wife and in that moment everything came crashing down. I was drowning in guilt and self-hatred. I became light-headed and thought I was going to pass out. Now all I kept thinking was, ‘What the hell am I doing?’” ~Jonathan, 44

Compartmentalization that is in the service of acting out is designed for one thing: to keep secretive and non-secretive worlds separate from each other. To accomplish this, an internal-mental-emotional segregation needs to occur. Self-partitions help to sever your inner experiences, thoughts and feelings from one another and from external events.

When compartmentalization is used to foster acting-out, it is because the acting-out experience is highly incompatible with how you see and experience yourself; and incompatible with the life you’ve created. These incompatible experiences cannot coexist at the same time within consciousness. 

When the obligations of life and the impact of your actions on those you care about break through the walls of compartmentalization and enter into the hidden world of acting-out, the acting-out experience is altered and often collapses. 

During this collapse, the feelings you were segregating into boxes (feelings such as guilt, shame, fear, disbelief, shock, despair, self-loathing) may flood you. Some people end up relying on mind-altering substances in an effort to keep the walls of compartmentalization from cracking; alcohol and/or drugs are frequently used to eradicate the inner presence of loved ones and the real life consequences of certain kinds of acting-out. 

Sooner or later, living this way catches up to you. It’s not sustainable. And once you acknowledge this, a journey toward healing can begin. 

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The dark side of compartmentalization leads to a fracturing of the self and the toll of this fracturing can be significant. For some, the ability to destructively compartmentalize has its origin in a painful childhood where family secrets, childhood neglect, physical and/or sexual abuse laid the groundwork for destructive escapism, an escapism that is being fed by these earlier, unhealed wounds.  

This trauma-based compartmentalization may be part of dissociative defenses that occurred in childhood as a way to manage overwhelming fear and pain. But not all compartmentalization is trauma-based. 

Learning to understand what drives your need for escapism and destructive acting-out are important first steps in regaining wholeness and integrity. For this to occur, the walls of compartmentalization need to slowly come down. 

Are you interested in starting telecounseling with Dr. Nicastro?

Rich Nicastro, PhD is a clinical psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Nicastro has twenty-five years of experience working with individuals and couples, as well as offering psychodynamic supervision/consultation to other therapists.

He offers online individual and couples counseling (teletherapy) for clients throughout the United States.