While in queue to order coffee one day not too long ago, I couldn’t help but hear the woman ahead of me in line speaking into her phone. “What I’m saying is that you don’t have to think about it at all,” she said. That was followed by a long pause while she listened, and then she followed up with, “Well, just imagine a big box and stuff it in there and then shove the whole thing in a closet in your mind.”
Ah, I thought. Classic compartmentalization imagery.
As you might imagine, there are clear benefits to being able to compartmentalize.
Compartmentalizing psychologically and emotionally frees us up so that we can focus our attention elsewhere; it opens up an internal space devoid of mental chatter and distressing feelings so that we can get on with the most urgent tasks facing us.
Some of us are expert compartmentalizers, living by the “out of sight, out of mind” adage. Without much effort, practiced compartmentalizers can readily avoid unpleasant feelings, lock away upsetting memories, and erase distressing events. . . almost as if they never even occurred.
Compartmentalizers also seem to bounce back and get on with life without needing to mentally circle back to past events in order to “process” what occurred. “I tell myself to get over it fast and don’t look back” is a familiar refrain of someone who relies on compartmentalization as a way of coping with life’s stresses.
But not all compartmentalization is beneficial. In fact, it can be used to create a secretive life marked by destructive acting-out.
Psychological compartmentalization and acting-out
In The Dark Side of Mental Compartmentalization, I explored how compartmentalization can be used to act-out in ways that are destructive. In these instances, compartmentalization creates psychological walls that momentarily sever the connections that anchor you in your life. The values, ideals and goals that sustain you vanish, and the people that matter most to you are pushed out of your mind.
Without these anchors (e.g., inner connections to loved ones), you may act in ways that betray yourself and others.
But what does it mean to “act out?” (I get this question quite often in my psychology practice.)
The concept of acting-out is used to describe behaviors that are often fueled by unconscious factors or strong emotions. In these instances our ability to make intentional, conscious choices is compromised, and we may lose our ability to reflect and think through circumstances.
During the acting-out experience it can feel like something has overtaken us, as if our sense of agency is diminished and we are now helpless passengers in a car careening out of control. Our reflective and self-monitoring capacities collapse as this “alien,” acting-out part of us takes over.
The compulsive-addictive triad
When compartmentalization, secrecy and a diminished ability to self-reflect converge, our acting-out behavior can take on a driven/compulsive quality to it, making it increasingly difficult to stop.
The counseling treatment must address all three aspects of the acting-out experience (compartmentalization, secrecy and impaired self-reflection) in order to fully regain control of your behavior and life.
Central to healing and changing the course of this kind of acting-out is understanding what makes you vulnerable to destructive compartmentalization.
Understanding how compartmentalization occurs
Compartmentalization doesn’t occur in isolation. It is helped along by coping strategies that we pick up throughout our lifetime in an effort to help us deal with emotional pain.
These strategies (often referred to as psychological defenses) can become so deeply ingrained that they bypass self-scrutiny and self-knowledge. In short, we may not even realize when and how our psychological defenses are active and how they are impacting us. They’ve become part of our psychological landscape.
Depending on the circumstances of our lives, certain psychological defenses/strategies are more relied upon than others. And while these strategies may have been helpful at different times in life, they may start to hinder us later on.
What follows is a brief list of coping strategies that are often used alongside compartmentalization; these defensive strategies help facilitate the destructive elements of compartmentalization.
Rationalization
When rationalization is used to assist problematic compartmentalization, the person doing the rationalizing makes the case that their behavior is justified.
Rationalization both paves the way for compartmentalization/acting-out and it can be used to undo the guilt and shame that often follows episodes of acting-out.
After behaving in some self-serving or self-destructive way, rationalization might be mobilized for damage control — we spin a narrative that helps us manage the guilt or shame that can be shattering to the self. We also rationalize in an effort to undo or mitigate the reaction of others who have been negatively impacted by our behavior.
In short, rationalization in these cases helps us justify (to ourselves or to someone else) the unacceptable. Like compartmentalization, there are plenty of times when rationalizing is healthy and appropriate. But it also may be used to pave the way for acting-out or it can be used after the fact, to psychologically buffer the negative consequences that often result from episodes of acting-out.
Minimization
For those who rely on minimization to get through life, nothing ever seems to be a big deal. When minimization is used to prop up destructive compartmentalization, what’s truly at work is the diminishment of the individual’s wants and feelings.
This self-diminishing usually starts in childhood, in reaction to unresponsive or neglectful or abusive caregivers. The child learns that the emotional vulnerability associated with having needs is a setup for being let down and therefore an unconscious solution is diminishing the importance of emotions and inner experiences, especially the ones that trigger vulnerability.
One way to circumvent the emotional pain of childhood neglect and/or abuse is to buy into the this belief that fuels minimization: “If I don’t need anyone, I can’t be hurt by anyone.”
However, despite earnest attempts to minimize psychological/emotional needs, at some level these needs still exist.
Despite outward achievements and successes, those who are accustomed to this type of minimization may feel unfulfilled and empty inside. This ongoing state of psychological deprivation can lead to the creation of a compartmentalized, secretive world of acting-out — a world where it’s imagined that long-negated needs can finally be met. For the minimizer, the compartmentalized, secretive world acts as an escape, a surrogate reality, a world that promises a sense of aliveness not felt in daily life.
Entitlement
We all tend to feel entitled to something or other from time to time. But when someone operates from a sense of entitlement more often than not, and when the feelings of others are rarely (if ever) taken into account, a problem is at hand.
Very often, the person who sees the world through the lens of entitlement is fending off deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. Rather than face the pain of feeling less-than, a persona is created in order to compensate for these underlying feelings of unworthiness. This tenuous persona must be continuously fed in order to keep feelings of worthlessness from pushing into consciousness.
When the entitled person does consider others (including their loved ones), the act of giving can feel like a task to endure; or they may feel superior in their “generosity” : “Look how giving I am”; “Everything I do is for you”; “No one appreciates all I do for them!”
This type of heightened self-focus makes compartmentalization easy since the needs, feelings and opinions of others tend to be ignored or devalued. The wants of others are often seen as potential barriers to the “I deserve what I want whenever I want it” variety of self-absorption. And that diminishment of others’ needs and the elevation of one’s own needs lays the groundwork for a compartmentalized, secretive world where acting-out thrives.
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For healing to occur, the scaffolding of compartmentalization must be understood before it can be taken down. In working with clients who come to me to break patterns of destructive acting-out, I have observed that they are often unaware of the underlying psychological defenses fueling this dangerous type of compartmentalization. The therapeutic work we do together often involves understanding the childhood experiences that have led to the psychological defenses described above. And as these defenses are gradually dismantled, the ability to identify one’s needs and get them met in the non-secretive world sets the stage for a more fulfilling life.
Are you interested with working with Dr. Nicastro?
Rich Nicastro, PhD is a clinical psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Nicastro has twenty-five years of experience working with individuals and couples, as well as offering psychodynamic supervision/consultation to other therapists.
He offers online individual and couples counseling (teletherapy) for residents of Texas.
**In addition to Texas, Dr. Nicastro is now offering online counseling to people residing in Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia (DC), Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming.**
