Steve was already frustrated, battling the infamous Austin rush hour traffic, when a car cut right in front of him. Steve had to slam on his brakes to avoid rear-ending the reckless driver. Within seconds, Steve’s heart was pounding and he felt flush. His attention narrowed and all that existed for him in that moment was the car that had almost caused an accident.
As the waves of anger hit, Steve’s mind revved quickly: “What an idiot!”; “He’s going to kill someone, I need to teach him a lesson!”; “Why the hell doesn’t he just drive normally and wait his turn like the rest of us?!”
Steve was about to accelerate and pull next to the car to tell the driver off when he caught himself and took a few breaths in order to reset emotionally. And within a few moments, he was back to his emotional center, able to focus on the podcast he enjoys while commuting.
You might be familiar with the above scenario. A startling moment that throws you into a state of tension. For some people, this tension often turns into sustained anger or rage. For others, this reaction is fleeting, a passerby that has little long-lasting impact on the underlying emotional state.
Anger Management Therapy Austin
If you struggle to manage your anger, the above example may be all too familiar. And there might be a wide range of triggering events that flip your anger switch. For you, the grip of tension-anger might not release so easily.
Long past the triggering moment, you may find that the anger continues to build, thoughts of feeling disrespected, slighted or wronged vividly replaying in your mind.
For instance:
You try to focus at work, but you keep revisiting an argument you had with your spouse/partner days ago, and in the process you refuel your anger to the point where you can’t concentrate on anything else;
You feel blindsided by overwhelming fury at someone who mistakenly cuts in front of you in line at the grocery store, and the fury doesn’t subside much when the person apologizes and gets behind you;
A friend makes a light-hearted quip about you at a recent get-together, but as the laughter swells, you feel your blood-pressure rise and all you can hear is the roaring in your ears.
Anger isn’t always a problem
We all get angry on occasion. We’ve all had legitimate reason to feel stung or slighted or disrespected. And when appropriate (when we are in control of our anger), anger can help us set boundaries with others or motivate us to discuss an issue that feels important to address. In these examples, anger signals to us that some kind of correction in course may be warranted.
But this is only possible when we’re in the driver’s seat of our emotional experiences. There is a significant difference between asserting yourself (“I don’t appreciate you telling jokes at my expense; I need you to stop doing that”) versus aggressing at someone and being unable to move past events that trigger your anger.
Anger Management Counseling: Questions to Explore with Your Therapist
If you are seeking anger management counseling, it’s important to find someone who has experience working with the underlying dynamics that can make you feel out-of-control with anger.
Here are some questions to explore in therapy:
Are there thought patterns (self-talk) that keep my anger alive?
Is it possible that past traumas/wounds contribute to the intensity of my anger management struggles?
Is anger being fed by other emotional reactions I might be cut off from, such as shame, insecurities or unresolved grief?
Does my body quickly lock down into a tense fight-or-flight response, a somatic reactivity that can feed anger without me realizing it?
Is anger part of another untreated psychological condition, such as major depression or an anxiety disorder?
Developing an Anger Management Plan
Based upon the answers to these questions (and others), you and your therapist can work together to develop a plan for identifying both the external events and emotional struggles that may be feeding out-of-control anger.
Managing anger takes work and there usually isn’t a simple fix. Targeting the cognitive-emotional-somatic components of anger gives a more comprehensive approach to anger management treatment.
If you have any questions about how therapy can help with controlling anger, feel free to contact me to discuss your treatment needs.
Telecounseling sessions (video online sessions) are available for Texas residents.
Rich Nicastro, PhD is a psychologist and therapist in Austin, Texas. He has been working with clients for more than twenty years on a wide range of client issues, including anger management. To discuss your therapy needs, he can be reached at rich@RichardNicastro.com or (512) 931-9128.
