If you are thinking about starting therapy, or if you are already working with a psychologist or counselor, you obviously want to get the most out of your counseling experience. Although there is a substantial body of research showing that 
psychotherapy is helpful for a wide range of emotional issues, not all therapists/therapies are alike, and the benefits aren’t a given.
Finding a therapist who is a “good fit” for you, someone you feel comfortable with and confident in, someone who understands your struggles and can help you articulate a treatment plan that is suited for what you are needing, all go a long way toward positively shaping your therapy and boosting the benefits you’ll get from treatment.
Psychotherapy is a collaborative process. And in collaboration with your therapist, there are steps you can take in order to get the most out of the process. What follows are a few suggestions that might help boost the gains you seek from counseling. If you are currently working with a therapist, you can discuss these ideas to see what fits best with the issues you’re working on.
A little planning goes a long way
Therapy is a commitment to your psychological and emotional wellbeing — a commitment that involves time, money, and effort. Reflecting on the big picture — what you’d like to get out of therapy — is an important part of the self-growth journey. This same level of thought can be given to each session: What’s the best use of today’s therapy session? What do I want to take away from today’s meeting and continue to work on before the next meeting?
Open yourself to surprises
This is the counterpoint to planning: a willingness to remain open to the unexpected as you explore the depths of your experiences in counseling. This may require you to deviate from the planned path you expected to take in an effort to expand your self-growth potential, a potential that may be realized when you are open to the unexpected.
Self-curiosity
When gripped by our own experiences/reactions, we can lose the ability to reflect on what is going on inside of us. In these moments, what we’re thinking/feeling becomes an unshakable, iron-clad reality. Cultivating a mindset of curiosity about yourself is an invitation to unpack your experiences; it’s an important step in creating the mental space that allows you to step outside the experiencing-you.
Self-questioning/self-observation
When you want to get to know someone better, you might take one of two approaches: You ask them questions in order to discover their likes/dislikes and preferences; and you might observe their behavior and make inferences based on what you see. Self-questioning/observation flows naturally from self-curiosity: What do I want to change about myself and why? What does my behavior in this situation tell me about myself? In what ways might I hold myself back from getting what I want? If I get what I want, how do I imagine my life would be different?
Slow it down
It’s natural to go on automatic pilot, to quickly respond to the circumstances of your life. Therapy is about undoing this mindless automaticity. Quick responses can shut down the internal space that self-reflection opens, an internal shuttering especially likely when emotional pain takes center stage. Therapy is an invitation to stop responding in your typical patterns; it is a process of slowing down and seeing what emerges.
Find value in uncertainty
Self-exploration involves coming into contact with the unfamiliar; there will be moments when you may not be sure what you are feeling; the journey inward may not immediately give you the clarity you desire. This uncertainty — not knowing — is inherently unsettling. And to deal with the frustration of uncertainty, you may quickly (and prematurely) find answers or take some kind of action. Allowing for and wading through uncertainty offers opportunities for greater emotional depth and self-exploration.
Work on your self-relationship
The truth is that you can reach all your goals, achieve the “successes” you’ve always desired, and still remain painfully unfulfilled. The entrenched ways you view and relate to yourself are not easily assuaged by external events. The internalization of an overly self-critical, uncaring and harsh voice will find ways to pounce on any self-perceived shortcomings, despite a string of achievements that “should” make you feel better. In therapy, opportunities to explore how you typically react and relate to yourself can lead to important insights and deeper change.
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Therapy is a highly personal experience. It’s about coming into contact with and sharing the most intimate details about yourself. In this process, you might have the goal to improve your life, to have less pain, to gain more control, to get through a difficult experience, to feel more alive and engaged, etc.
The steps taken to arrive at your desired endpoint will differ depending on the type of therapy and therapist you work with. But throughout this self-growth journey, your mindset toward the therapy process will be paramount.
All best,
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D.
To read more about psychotherapy outcome studies, here are two excellent resources:
Norcross, J. (2011). Psychotherapy Relationships That Work: Evidence-Based Responsiveness. 2nd ed. Oxford University Press.
Wampold, B.E., & Imel, Z.E. (2015). The great psychotherapy debate: The Research Evidence for What Works In Psychotherapy. 2nd ed. New York: Routledge.
